boobs-in-a-castle

an out-of-town friend and i tried to have a drink at la caille, but it was closed. she was so intrigued by the long, winding--and kind of creepy--entrance and building that i went tonight and reported back to her. i said it was 'an ostentatious castle-y hooters.' in theory i think this sounds brilliant (and that it'd be fun to open a chain called boobs-in-a-castle), but in practice i think couples go there for romantic ambiance, which is wrong.

in its dungeon-like lower level photos line the walls as in boobs in memoriam. 

when the bill came my friend said, 'dine and dash--ride a peacock outta there!' i didn't see any peacocks, but that would have been awesome.

acupuncture

i went to an acupuncturist for knee pain, but when filling out a questionnaire at the clinic i realized i had many issues.

but the acupuncture guy said he could address all these things, except the pee issue (he asked, 'do you drink a lot of water, coffee and alcohol? that would do it.'). i think it went well, although the dude was a little sadistic.

ice cream truck

destiny spoke to me today in the form of a facebook ad. it said: buy an ice cream truck! i'm lactose intolerant, but that could mean less eating of profits (ch-ching!).

or lots of diarrhea.

mr. chin

the other night i mentioned my favorite childhood game, mr. chin, but none of my friends had heard of it. i showed them then and there what it is.

some guys have all the luck

remember swampy? lucky bastard got a second nickname on his birthday.

swampy

i've always wanted a nickname, like 'viper' or 'the wrath.' nicknames lend instant familiarity; with a nickname, you're everyone's buddy. but i never knew even how one acquired a nickname. that is, until a wet snow day last week.

not perky

the other night i went out for my friend's birthday, and when the convo focused on the perkiness of my breasts, i knew people were blind-drunk.

dumber than a 5th grader

my friend called on fine artists to create t-shirt designs for his company, 'daredevil gene supercompany,' which caters to risk-taking athletes and such (like people who eat at arby's), so i decided to submit a design of my own.

as you can see, it's been a long time since i've taken biology, but there's no way i'm redoing this masterpiece.

(un)insured

this morning i got an email informing me that my health insurance policy was finally in effect and thought, 'time to fuck myself up!' and what do you know my tooth filling fell out.

sexy sobriquet

i just sent a link to my blog to a subintelligent friend who replied, 'nah, i readed enough abowt dag poo and crusty clams toniht.' perhaps i would have been hurt by these words, but (a) they were barely decipherable and (b) i now have great pseudonym when i'm old.

foam roller

the last few times i've wanted a massage therapist i found none available. maybe it was my 'massage my ass' approach, hard to say, but wutever the case i went and bought a foam roller, which i'd needed anyway. friends said it'd be painful, but i don't feel it.